Parents of a 7-month-old refuse to pay $200 to celebrate their friend's 30th birthday: 'Our friends always want to do these big activities that require us to spend $100+.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 12, 2026 8:00 AM EST

It's perfectly reasonable not to want to spend that much money on a friend's birthday party.

Everyone has a different idea of what type of birthday celebration is "appropriate" for their age. There's a huge segment of the population that believes that after age 21, your birthday is not worth a second thought. That certainly used to be the predominant cultural attitude among adults in the 20th century, and many parents and older adults really don't care much about their birthdays. 

Honestly, I don't think it's a crime to earnestly celebrate your 32nd birthday, even though it's technically not a milestone. Who cares if some miserable person on Twitter thinks that you're eternally a teenager if you choose to have fun on important days of your life instead of stewing about how miserable adulthood should be? One of the biggest differences between your birthday when you're a child and your birthday when you're an adult is that adults can actually choose to take their birthday off from work. You get to determine how you want to be celebrated, and 99/100 times, your friends will be happy to go along with your celebrations, because you only get so many birthdays in your short time on earth. Why not celebrate it exactly as you want? Of course, there are always people of any age who take their birthday celebrations a little bit too far. You know it when you see it. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • A group of people standing around a cake with candles on it
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The couple in this story does not feel comfortable spending $150-200 on their friend's 30th birthday celebration. Their friend told them about it six months in advance, and didn't indicate that he'd freak out if they politely declined. Still, the couple is unsure if they were in the wrong here.

  • Am I wrong for thinking its too much for a friend to ask to pitch in money for their birthday?

    So in August its going to be our friends 30th birthday. I totally get that he wants to do something fun for it, but him and his wife wants us to spend $150-$200 per person to rent out this huge place in the middle of nowhere.
    via u/thebeanns
  • Modern luxury house interior 3D rendering design
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • They also want us to pay for food, drinks, and the activities they chose to do.
    via u/thebeanns
  • We would be there for 3 days, 2 nights, and my husband and I have a 7 month old.
    via u/thebeanns
  • Father and mother with a baby
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • We are going to decline going because the drive there is 3 hours, and we are also trying to save up for a house.
    via u/thebeanns
  • My husband and I were talking about it and we have noticed a lot of our friends wants to do these big activities that require all of us to spend $100+ for each person to go.
    via u/thebeanns
  • We are the type of people that don't even announce its our birthday, or expect to celebrate it really.
    via u/thebeanns
  • We both agree that its ridiculous that more than once a year our friends want to do something big for their birthday, then expects everyone in the group to chip in with what they want.
    via u/thebeanns
  • Maybe it's just because my husband and I dont celebrate our birthdays we think its a lot to ask your friends more than once a year to help expense your birthday party.
    via u/thebeanns
  • But are we being a\\holes thinking that?
    via u/thebeanns
  • angelluvxo69 NTA. Once you are asking for $150-$200 plus food and activities, that's a vacation, not a birthday party. Totally fair to pass.
    via u/angelluvxo69
  • thebeanns Original Poster's Reply Yeah I think it would be totally different if this was a vacation and we all planned this together. But they ended up already booked the house! And I feel like shit if we say no, because that just means the people going are going to have to pay more than what was originally estimated. Luckily my husband is good with saying no and being honest with saying that's just too much for us
    via u/thebeanns
  • InfamousFlan5963 NAH since it seems like they mentioned the prices up front. If you didn't know initially then it's a problem, but if you know then fine for you to just say no thank you and imo, fine for them to do it since people can opt out if they don't agree
    via u/InfamousFlan5963
  • thebeanns Original Poster's Reply I was told about this a few days ago, there was no mention about how much it was going to be. Then a couple days later they made the group chat informing everyone the estimates for each person and letting us know they already booked the place.
    via u/thebeanns
  • Wild-Association 1680 NTA for declining, but this is a completely normal request and YWBTA for judging or being rude about it. "Asking you to expense their birthday party" is a really cynical read on this. Your friends are inviting you on group trips around special occasions. Presumably because they like you, want to spend time with you, and having an occasion to mark gives everyone an excuse to celebrate. Most people enjoy attending these types of trips. If you don't, or it's just not in the bu
    via u/Wild-Association
  • thebeanns Original Poster's Reply I totally get your point. You can say we are being judgemental about it, but in no way do we see our friends differently. They are our friends and like to spend time on them. I guess my point of view on this is if I wanted to throw something big for me and invite friends, I would pay the whole. thing and not expect them to having to pay for anything except for food/drinks. They already booked the place, and gave us estimates for each person. So since we declined
    via u/thebeanns
  • nosirrahm The wording of this post is weird for me. Are yall paying for them to celebrate or it's just a trip to a locale that coincides with the person's birthday? So, you're paying for the weekend away. You either have the funds or you don't for the short get away. No biggie.
    via u/nosirrahm
  • thebeanns Original Poster's Reply We would be paying for the housing and the activities they want to do. They already paid for the Airbnb, but they want all of us to help cover the cost of it and to pay for the activities. Sorry I dont really post on Reddit that much.
    via u/thebeanns
  • Odd-Snail NTA and I really don't think you need an excuse to not want to do that. It's their fault for booking before the whole plan was agreed upon and I feel like it was done on purpose so it was harder to back out. Pretty manipulative. Also since when do birthday parties become birthday weekends? Also are you guys the only ones with a kid?
    via u/Odd-Snail
  • thebeanns Original Poster's Reply Yes, we are only ones with a kid in the group. So basically one of us would be having fun while the other would be watching our child.
    via u/thebeanns
  • Odd-Snail Okay so you would be bringing the baby. I don't see a win for you guys here. Is there another friend in the group who you all suspect may also be in the same boat financially? Like do you guys think you'll be the only ones pulling out? I can understand it making the dynamics hard for your friends group. I really hope they're understanding because this usually is the point in which the friends who are parents start to have to make choices that are more family centered than friend center
    via u/Odd-Snail
  • thebeanns Original Poster's Reply There's a few in the same boat financially wise. One friend has a terrible spending habit, to the point she feels like she's needs a second job just to be able to pay rent. But, she also works for the hosts, so I have a feeling she is the one who made the idea up with having everyone pitch in so the hosts aren't spending that much. I could be totally over thinking this, but this friend did this for her birthday last year and wanted us to pay 150 per person for a
    via u/thebeanns
  • mediocrelegend13 i don't think anyone is the asshole here. as long as you politely decline and as long as they accept it without freaking out then everything should be fine! i think it's a reasonable ask and i think it's a reasonable reason to say no
    via u/mediocrelegend13
  • thebeanns Original Poster's Reply Yeah I dont think my friends were in the wrong for asking to do this. They are really chilled and laid back people, so I dont think they would be offended if we declined. I just feel bad for declining because that would mean everyone would have to pay more than what was originally said.
    via u/thebeanns
  • Warrenpeace444 you're in your late 20's/ early 30's and you can't afford to spend $100-200 once a year to celebrate a friend? you don't have to go. But also, thats kind of normal for a friendship in your 30's.
    via u/Warrenpeace444
  • thebeanns Original Poster's Reply It's not that we can't afford it, we just have a bigger priority to spend our money on like saving up for a house as I stated. Im a stay at home mom, so expecting my husband to pay for all of us to go isnt respectful especially if we want to save up for a house.
    via u/thebeanns
  • whatswrongwithfolks NTA- The only time I'd be paying for a friends birthday is towards their meal if we go out. Spending loads on a 3 day weekend including food and activities for him AND his wife is a huge ask. Your personal financial responsibilities come first so just say sorry, not available and leave it at that.
    via u/whatswrongwithfolks

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

30s baby saving money birthday celebration down payment friends trip cabin money
Scroll Down For The Next Article